Monday, December 28, 2009
A couple of you told me that my blog is not very reader-friendly...coz of the black background and the font and all that. However, I think the template itself is soooooo me...I couldnt change it. So, I played with a coupla fonts and sizes and bugged a friend to help me with the CSS and...VOILA!...herez the "new and improved" I at my lone roof! However, I'm still not sure if this is any more readable. I read somewhere that a yellowish font color is easier to read over a black background. You be the judge of that. Also, I wud prefer to go with a sans-serif font...something taht is neither too serious nor too close to 'Comic Sans MS', coz my posts could swing either way and be anywhere in between. So all my design and techie friends...plz gimme advice!! For once, I am willing to not be condescending and listen! :D
Monday, December 14, 2009
It happened to me today...and its a really nice feeling that I've had rarely and it keeps getting rarer and rarer (With the exceptions of Wake Up Sid, Ice Age 3, Taare Zameen Par and BOMMARILLU before that!) I miss it. Everytime I come out, I feel pretty disgusted at the 100/200 that has gone down the drain and I really resent the multiplex culture that seems to propagate mediocrity. I mean, the multiplexes are supposedly here to give space to 'new' cinema, but I've mostly seen practically empty theatres playing crappy to so-so movies whose entertainment value ranges from severe headaches to half-hearted laughs. They hardly make you think, they are nowhere close to the movie-goer's reality and WORST OF ALL, they insult the audience's intelligence.
So when a movie comes out that is good, it becomes one's duty to praise it to high heavens!! I already have serious regrets that I did not do that for WAKE UP SID on my blog (It was like a second Bommarillu for me...those of you who know what that means!)
So this movie...I kinda liked the way it started...the quaint old-homey-images-from-childhood-simple-homes kinda pictures they showed while the titles appeared, the regular oooooooh-thatz-what-my-home-looks-like-too setting and the everyday guy who has a tiff with his rich-fart friend.....things that we all can relate to. I am not going to give away the plot or even a bit of the story. I'd really like you all to watch it, coz it really is worth it. I'm not giving a rating of 10/10 like for WAKE UP SID of course...coz therez not many drool-worthy guys who make you come out grinning like a maniac from the theatre, but there definitely is something. Its different, its honest and its got a solid, realistic message...AND, its a must- watch for the young corporate employee. It covers everything...even how women are sometimes treated in the still-mostly-male-dominated corporate world, esply at office parties. The best part is that its all done quite sublty, simply and yet the message comes thru strong and clear!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Even in Maharashtra, office canteens were abuzz with discussions and almost everywhere one heard "Telangana, KCR, Chandrababu Naidu" as they passed groups of students and techies on furiously venting out their emotions on street corners.
In all this chaos, my sentamentality has to make place for itself.
I have been hearing about the Telangana issue vaguely for about 5 to 6 yrs...but never really being one to care much about anything outside of my immediate circle, i hardly paid any attention. The extent of the matter was my loyalty to my 'hometown', Vizag being pitched against the superiority of a metropolitan Hyderabad in friendly banter with friends. I'm sure that if the state had split at that time, I wouldn't have minded as much. But then...it happened...I moved to Hyderabad...went to this amazing place to get an education (which will now be foreign, somehow) and the issue of Telangana hit closer home. I couldnt understand the language very well...which, in name is the same as my mother tongue. I had pretty much the same language problems as most of my northern friends...and worse, I was expected to help THEM out! As for the city itself, I resisted...I balked at the people...I might have scoffed at their customs...and even at the weather and terrain. But it grew on me, seduced me and completely won me over. I began to LOVE the language and its colour and its texture...preferred that over the 'properness' of my mother tongue. The people too became less strange and sometimes very dear...occasionally frustrating, of course! But I had loads of help falling in love with the city and with its unique blend of cultures...from my University and from my friends, who made it a home for me.
And now, of course, I've been pining for that home while the first got lost in time and memories. And to learn of this beloved city being pulled asunder in a tug-of-power war by NOSEY meddlesome individuals, it just breaks my heart.
To give the issue its due consideration, the agitation has been going on ever since Andhra itself was formed. The relatively ill-irrigated and resourceless area was neglected. The issue of caste also seems to creep in...somehow the region becomes a symbol of the downtrodden. Only, Telangana is also known for its Reddys. Even if/once the region becomes independent, the powerful Reddys of Telangana are not going to change and needless to say, not going to disappear. As for the proper allocation of resources, the moment-to-moment party-shifting antics of the Telangana hero from a few months ago dont inspire much confidence. Worse, the original fear of the 'Andhrites' regarding the Krishna and Godavari waters being held up might come true. And yes, that is exactly what we need right now...a role-reversal. That is going to help calm down the raging fires byutifully. And naturally, none of the benefits of the new statehood will trickle down to the self-immolating farmers anytimes soon, if at all. The only probable change would be even higher taxes until the resourceless state finds ways to generate revenue. I'm pretty sure the average farmer doesnt care if his postal address reads 'ANDHRA' or 'TELANGANA' coz he cant read anyway...he just wishes his son could read the alphabet.
As for the avg. andhrite...(i donno if i fall into the category), but I care! I care coz I dont want what happened with India and Pakistan to repeat and a bloody fued of hate to sear the borders. And even more important, since I must identify myself with 'Andhra', I hope that if/when Telangana crystallizes, the actual purpose of it is fulfilled and the benefits do trickle down to those who matter. If it MUST happen, let it be not to create yet another seat of power for morons to misuse, but for the layman's life to be less of a burden to him. I know this is an overly optimistic hope, but if all this pain of half a million people goes in vain, there would be no bigger tragedy. And my city...I will have to make an extra effort to not let it become too alien even as it changes, holding on to the memories that have made it my own....oh yea, and having hyderabadi biryani as much as possible...(even more so now!)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I guess I'm just writing again today after such a long break coz I'm yet again trying to start something...and i absolutely have to write everyday...I JUST HAVE TO!! except maybe weekends..u know...it'll be like work...only funner!
For today, since I'm wayyyyyy behind my schedule as usual...I'm just gonna put down a few things I wud really really like to cross off my list next year :D Please feel free to add/share ur list.
But before we get to that, have u ever thot of how much fun it is cross somethign off ur list? I actually LOVE making tons of lists and the fun part is crossing things off them...esply with a bright red marker...i have loadsa lists...mostly things to do, but also, books to read, movies to watch, things to find out, things to look up...apparently I remind my friends of the guy from Dasvidania...which I am yet to watch..and its on my list..hehe..well..newayz, herez my list:
- Go to Goa
- Get a tattoo (3 preferably...but lets start small..eh?)
- Learn Marathi (intermediate level...good enuff for 1 year, right?)
- Lose 15 kgs (hahahahahahahahahah!)
- Visit my ABCD friend (before March)
- Visit my friend's wedding in April
- Check out Bangalore and Mysore (esply the palace)
- Have a solid meetup with my SJC bitchezz
- Learn playing da guitar
- Buy a cellphone
- Buy a laptop
- Visit a hillstation
- Visit a historical place full of byutiful ruins
- Write ATLEAST 200 blogs
- Write 3 short stories
Monday, May 11, 2009
These days, I find myself extremely happy coz of certain decision(s) I have made. I still am not doing much implementing them, but soon...very very soon...things are to change. Okay, wat the hell, I'll be even more indiscreet that I usually am and just say it here...I QUIT!! GUYS, I quit...my job, I mean...:D :D :D :D...I KNOW i shud panic coz I'm not gonna have the usual income source to blow over insanely expensive, fattening food, but it feels good. And honestly, I still dont think I have a concrete idea of what I'm gonna do next except treat myself to some TIME at home and be 'there' for the 'rentals...but its AWESOME!! I know I'm supposed to do some serious soul-searching...which I prolly will get done too...but I think I'll be happy not having to walk in to office with a worse slouch that I EVER had in the last 22 years of my life.
But thatz not what this blog is gonna be about...that was just an announcement I had to make (I cant believe I just chekd the dictionary to make sure I spelt 'announcement' right! Btw, thatz what an editorial job does to you :( ) Annywayz, so, to celebrate this new milestone in my life, I vegged out in my stinky place...watching the ants devour a week-old-carcass of a cockroach. In between, I managed to finish watching 12 movies...mostly gangsta-stuf...watched the fast and furious movies and a coupla action/thriller flicks...and Godfather...
And I am seriously worried about the Indian representation. I mean, we are only the 2nd largest populated country in the world!! We are all over the goddam planet!! And as all desis in the US will proudly claim, we have infiltrated all professions...esply in the US...from gas-station workers to NASA...we are EVERYWHERE! But have you ever noticed that all these gangsta films have Italian mafia (duh!), Chinese..er...Chinki? perhaps not...anywayz, slit-eyed mafia, and of course a lot of Eastern-European, Russian and African/African-American mafia...but WHERE, pray tell, are the Indian mafia?? seriously man! I dont know if they really do exist in the US, but we need representation in HOLLYWOOD! I mean, come onnnnnnn....Oprah invites Aishwarya Rai on her show, Richard Gere kisses Shilpa but we dont have any Indian mafia presence in Hollywood?? This is such a shame to our country. I mean, we, as a nation, need to wake-up and do something...open the world's eyes to show them that we have arrived!! This is a time, fellow country-men and country-girls, to show our mettle. It is time...to go to the mattresses (its from the Godfather, it means 'to go to war') and fight to the death...for wat is rightfully ours. So, let us show the world what we are made of and fight...for equality, fraternity...and I forgot the other thing...sorry.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Thing with me tho (as I believe with a lot of other ppl)is that...I believe that proper cleaning can only happen with the right music. Without that, cleaning is not cleaning...because essentially, cleaning is a therapeutic process. One sorts through his or her mental files and reorganizes them according to the recent changes in life...filing a conversation with a friend as one scrubs the kitchen counter...highlighting the gossip as one rearranges the spices in the shelf...weighing ones options while sorting out old bills...that sorta thing. But all this can only happen with the right music in the background. Without that, one has nothing to distract them from the weight of the thots whirling in the head and there is the danger of letting them get out of control...ensuing in a possible full-blown panic! Ohmigodddddd...did she really mean that I was looking good today? Or did she imply that I FINALLY looked presentable?? Was that a hint of sarcasm I noticed? If only I remembered how she sounded...
You see?? Perhaps u dont...and perhaps its only me. But I stand by my statement. Without music, cleaning is not cleaning. But what I really want to share with you is this strange realization I had the other day. It only happened, of course, coz I was listening to the wrong music, as you will see.
Well, there I was, one evening after office washing my dishes (My maid ditched me..or I think I made her ditch me coz I was too lazy to get up and open the door...for a week...)I was happily scrubbing the dishes and piling them in one corner of the sink...trying to hum along to this really sappy romantic song...going along the lines of "Oh..how happy I am that you're in my life..." Well, I didnt particularly like the sound of tht one, so I went over and tried a coupla others...and I was getting more and more irritated as I progressed from one song to another. The CD had all happy-sounding Caribbean music. "Therez a boy in my mind...blah blah blah, blah blah blah", and then " To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees/Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody." This is the kind of annoying music that gets stuck in your head and you find urself singing this at work when you're photocopying a whole bunch of nonsense...and if its a really stupid song, you might even be lucky enough to have your boss walk in on you. Besides, it was too happy and goody-goody for me to be able to just wash my dishes and feel good about it. Perhaps if I had been on a beach trying to hula-hoop after the correct dosage of pina coladas...I might have been more partial to this music. However, any serious practitioner of cleaning therapy will tell you that this kind of music is absolutely detrimental to one's mental health. Even Russell Peters would agree with me...and let me assure you, he is of a sound mind and his every word is taken very seriously!
So, after a few choice expressions to vent out my irritation with the music and my dried up dishes, I patiently shuffle through the CD and find the perfect kind of songs. They go something like this "And now I know I want to kill you/like only a best friend could/Everyone's caught on to everything you do/Everyone's caught on to.." and
"Dont want to grow up
I want to get out
Take me away
I want to shout out
Take me away" (this ones from Freaky Friday OST, by Christina Vidal...very good)
Ahhhhh!! Bliss...therez nothing like angry music to help you get your chores done. All that anger and rage, that swirling emotion and energy just bursting out from you channelled into scrubbing and washing...gawd,wat a release. They're are amazing to sing-along to...you dont have to try to hit any high notes or try to sing to any tune either...You cna simply scream with the chorus...the louder the better!! Best thing is, you have a fast-paced tempo to work to...your broom can move to the beat...its a beautiful symphony. Swish, THWACK! (u little ant, how dare you enter my home..)whip, wham, blam! Voila..you've got a sparkling clean home...and then, after all that work...I finally fresh up and go to sleep...humming "To the left..to the right..."
Friday, March 13, 2009
You all, of course, know that I havent blogged coz of my nemesis laziness. I've again gone back to the bad old ways...thru a new addiction. I've been catching up with all the movies I havent watched in the last 9 years. Hehhe...its deliciously decadent...altho there is a downside...the house stinks (AGAIN!) The maid is worried I wont pay her for this month coz I have been too lazy to even open the door in the mornings. My landlady prolly thinks I'm hiding a guy in my place, which is why I'm not even letting the maid in...I've had more than the usual dose of suspicious looks from her lately. And to make matters worse, this time, I really dont care.
But above all this, these last few weeks have felt like I'm trying to run away from something in a mad frenzy...the key words being 'mad frenzy' coz I'm running away all the time anywayz. I'm frantically looking for something new to do, frantically trying to catch up on movies, as if there is no 2moro, frantically trying to have fun, frantically scheduling and cancelling guitar lessons, frantically trying to find ways to spice up my life. And even today, I was frantically thinking about what my next entry is to be on. I had so many things to say, my head a chaotic whirligig of thoughts and apathy. Obviously, I'm "frantically" missing something!
My life, as I've known it for the past 3 years, is fast coming to an end and I cant go back to the way I was before that. Only, I have no choice anymore. I'm trying to recall what I was like before this...and I really cannot even remember that person. A few glimpses and the odd flashes of memories, but thatz about it. The last 3 years have been such a heady drug that my brainz really fuzzy right now and I cant figure out how I've tumbled down so fast and so deep. Practically everything that was meaningful has slowly eroded away and I am left with HarryPotter-esque images of grasping at ghostly wisps of smoke. I am reminded of this time in 'Catcher' (thatz Catcher in the Rye, my Bible, for those who dont know) when Holden's (the main dood) teacher gives him advice, which goes like this:
"This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started." ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 24, spoken by the character Mr. Antolini
Probably the toughest part of growing up, after we are done screaming "I DONT WANT TO GROW UP!! I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS!" is to realize that life is not gonna be a party. Most, I guess do come with that chip embedded in their brain. But a few of us have these grand dreams of crazy times and cannot reconcile to the fact that life, essentially will only get boringer and boringer, coz the more you experience the more blase everything feels. So, I guess life boils down to the good moments and all the rest.
And right now, in this strange I-gotta-get-outa-this-dump mood, I have to quote Holden again, coz only those words condense the whirligig into something resembling a picture:
"What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse." ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 1
So, I guess I just got my good-bye and that was what I was trying to lead up to through this whole long, rambling, almost-pointless blog. I got my good-bye. Its a song called 'Flying Free' that I used to sing in my choir class back in the USA at 13. Its a byutiful song that me and this friend of mine used to love sooooooo much. The memory of that friend and the memory of the girl I was and the memory of the song. I hope to hold onto them as life passes me by.
by Don Besig
There is a place I call my own
Where I can stand by the sea
And look beyond the things I've known
And dream that I might be free.
Like the bird above the trees
Gliding gently on the breeze
I wish that all my life I'd be
Without a care and Flying Free.
But life is not a distant sky
Without a cloud, without rain
And I can never hope that I
Can travel on without pain
Time goes swiftly on its way
All too soon we've lost today
I cannot wait for skies of blue
Or dream so long that life is through
So life's a song I must sing
A gift of love I must share
And when I see the joy it brings
My spirits soar through the air
Like that bird up in the sky
Life has taught me how to fly
For now I know what I can be
And now my heart is Flying Free!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
You Are Asparagus
You're not exactly subtle. You seduce people by being highly suggestive.
And surprisingly, it works. Your outrageous ways are very appealing.
You always try to look as sexy as possible. Even if it means being a bit inappropriate.
You somehow always manage turn the vibe sexual. You have more fun when everyone is being naughty!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
This entry started out as a description of my first guitar lesson, but it turned into something else. So please bear with me coz the flow is messed up. It seems as if I have jumped from one random topic to another...and I have...coz I was gonna talk about something else.
So, here goes:
I had my first real guitar lesson y'day! I was soooo excited about it!!! And herez how it went.
But perhaps, a little about my tutor first: He is this pretty random guy I met on orkut. Hez the cousin of my junior from undergrad. A few scraps spread over about 2 years with random discussions about obsure (to me) north European heavy metal bands.
Now I am completely clueless about the music scene. Whatever I know is from these random (again, for lack of a better word) songs I downloaded back in the US. I don’t even know the different genres or which genres the stuff I listen to belongs. My CDs from those days are titled “Shakes” and “Smoothies” to differentiate between the fast and the more melodious songs. (Cudnt help the food allusion, tho…I’m a die-hard lover of FOOD, as anyone whoz seen me can tell…)
While thatz me, our man tried to educate me about vampires and unicorns and dragon blood. I read up about this strange Swedish (or was it Finnish?) band called Mayhem, whose hit album’s cover was the gory photograph of their lead singer’s suicide. I kinda didn’t know how to react coz I have this stereotypical image bout rockers. I see them as fascinating black-wearing, scary-looking, drug-taking, Satan-worshippers. You get the picture. They prolly wud only shop at Hot Topic if it was in India. I don’t know if that is now seen as ‘mainstreamized’ and is being shunned as pseudo-goth or whatever u call it, by the hardcore true-blue (BLACK!) Goths.
Anywayz, getting back to my tutor, I always had this idea of him and he would talk bout these crazy bands and educated me about the local rock scene.
Oh, that reminds me…back on HCU campus, we had something called a ‘Rock Show’ for our campus fest. These bands would show up and start growling into the mike (its called something…with G…appropriate, but I forget) and we would barely decipher words like “death”, “blood”, “evil”, “burn”, “acid” and of course, “Satan”. This show would usually be on the day after what we call “DJ NITE”.
On DJ Nite, the entire campus crowd would show up and shake whatever they find shakeworthy in their body (plz don’t go graphic here. I pity you if you have an overly visual imagination.) to the regular dance numbers known to anyone with a semi-working-FM Radio. This regular crowd to which I belong, made up mostly of commercial-movie-going, hip-shaking-hand-lolling mass of people, not knowing what to make of this music, would just stand and stare hoping their bodies would just do the necessary without the necessary info from the top compartment.
Meanwhile, the performers—poor guys—after umpteen “are you ready!!”s, which whittle down to “are you (even)with me??”s try to inspire themselves. Here begins the strange phenomenon which only that creed can understand. The Rockers gang up right in front of the stage…about 15 big, burly boys in black (pardon the alliteration, just couldn’t help it) and form a huge circle and sway…sorry, thtz too elegant a term for what they do, but then I’m ignorant of rock lingo…in a trance and sing (scream!) with the dood growling into the mike. A coupla minutes later, since the collective growling is just not working for them, they decide to smash into each other and collide, practically sweaty-torso to sweaty-torse, as if they were aimless electrons. Its truly a fascinating and maybe even a sublime experience watching the raw bestiality of this phenomenon, which I later learnt is called “MOSHING”!
However, on a campus like HCU, there can be only one conclusion to fun like this. The crowd moves in closer to vicariously experience the moshing, getting closer and closer to something so fearsome and fascinating at the same time and finally gets smashed (literally) into the experience. The moshers, in their frenzy, smOsh into the unsuspecting audience nd WHAM! The bubble bursts, the spell of the dark side suddenly lifts and the crowd switches into HCU-mode. Great stupendous roars ensue and the moshers are shoved back angrily. The mob gears up nd the lead singer on stage, lost in his ecstatic growling, gradually comes back to earth as his voice is drowned by the mob. After vigorous yelling and accusing matches, some big shot appears on stage, pacifies the majority, forcing the bands to apologize. The evening gradually dwindles down to eventual silence, as the spectators finally leave—having finally witnessed the excitement they were waiting for. :)
Monday, February 16, 2009
- I am incredibly lazy. In fact, it shud be my middle name or something.
- My life is divided into 2 phases: Pre-US and Post-US....the during doesnt really exist. I spent all my Post-US life essentially yearning for my Pre-US life.
- Oh yea...I'm obese...and its such an issue with me that it has seeped into every aspect of my life. But I dont do anything to get rid of it.
- I believe I am a pretty good writer :D My one ticket to something meaningful, my one hope :)
- I havent really worked hard for anything in the last 8 years atleast, if not longer.
- I talk to myself...OUT LOUD! Some of the BESTEST conversations I've had are with ME ME ME ME!
- I can exist without knowing or bothering to know what is going on around in the world.
- Oooooooooh! this onez good. Back in my school days, I managed for an entire year without doing any homework or even classwork. I just didnt. Everyday, I would start on a fresh page, so the incompleteness of the earlier pages wouldn't show. I managed to score pretty darn good tho, that year...:) I shocked myself :D
- I havent grown any taller since I was 13...which was 10 years ago.
- At heart, I think I'm a total tomboy...always craving that just-one-more-adventure. I just dont want to grow up :D I'll prolly do pretty much any crazy thing for that high...of life! :)
- I am just learning to exist crush-less. Its boring but liberating(?).
- I took a whole year to learn cycling. I was beaten and threatened into learning it. I finally mastered it on my own, without any help because I was too incensed and had to prove a bloody point, dammit! I was 8-9 years old.
- I think I have a Catcher-complex. I am perpetually disillusioned and now I'm desperately trying to reverse-Catcher myself. Life has become insane.
- I am terribly scared of ghosts, lizards and all reptiles. Well, reptiles even more so, coz they repulse me. I leave the entire bathroom and squeeze myself into a corner almost daily when I'm bathing. I'm mortally afraid that the lizard will fall on my head.
- I have pending work from 6 years ago.
- I havent said 'no' to temptation in the last 3 years.
- I like to eat my pizza slices crust first...from the back coz I believe the best should be saved for the last.
- I want to live the hippie way for a while.
- I was taught how to polish my nails by a boy. I still dont do a good job, but he really knew what he was doing :D
- I fed an egg to a pig once...one of the grossest moments of my life.
- I'm partially deaf.
- I can sleep for 24, and even 48, hours straight. My one and only claim for fame so far :D
- There was a point when I was seriously considering becoming a detective...but then, I switched to hypnotism. Now I'm an editor.
- I need to groan out of pleasure if I'm eating something ambrosial.
- I get periodic "hyper-energetic" possessions. At different phases in my life, I dealt with them differently. During teenage, I locked myself in my room and used to seriously mutilate my bed. In degree, I would put on music and walk the corridors of the hostel like a maniac. (I scared one of my friends so much that she didnt come near me for a month!) In PG, I would put on loud music and ride my bike (again, like a maniac) at 2 in the morning. Now, I just go to sleep.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I just sent my parents off. After a month-long stay, they left today. Early in the morning at 6.30. Since last week, they've been teasing me about how I'm gonna jump with joy the minute they leave. Even today, as we were going to the station in the cab, they were like..."so, what now? Are you gonna throw a party coz we're finally leaving? Why do u have to come to the station to send us off? You could've bid your farewell at home, right?" My repartee was: "Oh yea! I have to come and make sure you leave....what if you miss your train and come back?" This is the traditional family joke we use to gloss over the fact that there is going to be an emotional scene just as the train starts moving. This continues until the last moment...nd suddenly, I turn the tap on as I wave them away back to their home..yelling "TAKE CARE! Careful about your health...call me as soon as you reach!" Looking at my dripping tears, my mom starts her crying...and Dads giving this strange half-sad, half-oh-gawd-these-women! smile as he waves back. And then, they're gone...(My parents just called to make sure I reached home...just as I was typing tht last sentence)
I cry on the station for a while nd then look around me. The day is just beginning, the platform is quite empty with the usual morning smells of tea-leaves, feces and the whiff of yesterday's staleness. But the freshness of new day too...the delightful chill of early morning breeze, the faint twitters of the birds...these are pleasures I rarely ever enjoy...and I cherish the calm that descends over me. I am alone in the city again. For some reason, it feels just right, despite the emotional wrench just seconds ago...it feels like a fresh new beginning of something byutiful. I feel grown up and ready to handle it :) Flashes of other such mornings where I shared silences over steaming coffee cups with dear ones bring a smile as I wipe my tears away. Mornings like this make all the bad stuff worth it. As I ride back home on an auto, I see the city waking up and going about its business...the city I now call home, the city where I have a place among all the arguing autowalas whose Telugu I'll never understand and all those Gucci-wearing, high-heeled hot babes zooming by in fast cars...Good morning, Hyderabad!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Today I have to talk about something either silly or perverted...which have been my two predominant moods in the past two days...post the depression...and I have been thinking about writing about how almost EVERY guy I see out on the road is scratching his balls...but perhaps thatz not a very apt topic for a public blog. So, I'll try and stay content with just mentioning it.
Annywayz, I've just been looking up Jabberwocky, the famous nonsense verse poem, for one of our books at work...but, of course, since the perverty mood still persists, unfortunately....I had to type in JabberCOCKY instead...and for those who are are currently feeling perverty...herez a version of the poem you might enjoy ;) http://toolsthatcantalk.blogspot.com/2008/03/jabbercocky.html
Now, just as I was trying to wash my brain off the perverty mood and switch to silliness, I glanced out my office window and I think I saw a huuuugee black, furry bandicoot slide vertically down the wall of the apartments outside...it was just for a second, but I SWEAR I saw a black furry thing. It COULD be batman trying to solve some domestic crisis and then escaping into his underground bat cave...only this guy is an animagus...I'm really taking too many liberties, arent I? mixing magic with super heroism...
oooooooooh...btw, I saw the picture of a really uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugly dog today mornign as I was flipping thru the newspaper. The ironic thing is that its been a consecutive winner of some dog show for 3 years (even Internationally)...honestly I dont know what the criteria is to make it in these shows...if our Miss Indias and stuff are anything to go by...I'm correct in pointing out that its ugliness is ironic. Anyhoo..the funny part here is that, I was looking up the use of animals in African folktales for work...and I came across dogs...and of course, the morning revulsion reminds itself to my brain...which doesnt know how to store info, REALLY!! Of all the things to think of....and worst...I began to get obsessed about this ugly dog...and I HAAAAAAAAAAD to find pictures of it...I cudnt even recall if it was today's paper...coz i CUD have been looking at y'day edition and didnt even realize it...so, coming back to the point (or lack thereof), I went over today's online edition of The Hindu about 50 times with no luck...asked a friend if he remembers seeing an ugly dog in today's paper...had him laff at me as well...(sigh)...was dragged off to lunch by my colleageus...subjected to a detailed description of the horrors of Hyderabad traffic and psychological traumas preventing us all from driving (I totally agree, tho...I'm shit scared of driving..)...okay..so where was i??? oh yea...we finally came back from lunch...and I start my search afresh...and VOILA! there, on Hindu...is the ugliest dog....strangely, notice the way it stands...so regally, as if everyone else is just waiting to bow down before its majesty...jeez...ugly royalty http://www.hindu.com/2009/02/05/stories/2009020560621100.htm
There ends one of my worst blogs...I really cant see anymore...
Monday, February 2, 2009
I have had times when I did feel my correct age, no denying that. But that seems as if I was possessed by something else and it happend to that being...not to me.
And of course, I envy all those who have a normal timeline, things happening at the right age. But it is suffocating, being locked into this fixed mental dimension. It feels as if I'll go through my entire life, with physical things and events happening to me at their destined pace and I'll never catch up with anything...never feeling the normal emotions, never saying the right thing, never responding to things with the maturity they deserve. The worst thing is, almost every minute of my life, I'll keep reliving all these painfully embarassing situations that I shouldn't even have been in the first place. I keep telling myself I wont think about it today, but when something just randomly pops up into your mind and you're not prepared, you have to put a lot of effort to will it away and not spoil your day. And once it starts, it just keeps coming, one embarassment after another and having to relive 23 years worth of embarassments over and over again is just terrible. I'm afraid of growing old, now.
Friday, January 23, 2009
I guess there are different kinds of happinesses. We all have, at one point or another, experienced the bone-deep happiness when we are just thankful for everything and glad that we are alive and happy...the joy of a beautiful memory, remembrances of delightful relationships, peaceful solitude...
And then, of course, there is the mad happiness, where we take a break from monotony and giggle over the silliness of life. Prolly happens more when we are young and naive/stupid...and hopefully, doesnt stop as we grow older.
But the kind of happiness I want, which I prolly had only in sharp bursts of ecstatic flashes, is the all-consuming kind...atleast for those blinks of time. Giddy ecstasy with no intrusive reason or logic, no silly relationship rules...just mind-numbing happiness letting you float away in a hazy consciousness between the harsh light of rigid strictures and the darkness of depression. This friend of mine used a byutiful phrase to describe this happiness...and it is one of my favourites: A wobbly-bendy happiness!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I think the normality, monotony of life is suffocating. I bet my poor parents at home are feeling the same. The novelty of visiting their working daughter must've worn off in about 2 hrs, when they saw the hurriedly cleaned up mess. Some things just dont change.
Not to start on a depressing note tho, coz it was fun...like gud old times, when I play the pampered kid and they molly-coddle me. I really miss that. And the small things in life are the most beautiful. The fact that I try so hard to be my mom hasnt come between us recently and I'm so glad. I guess I've been hanging onto some teenage insecurities, but I dont think it really matters to me that I'm not like mom. Actually, I need to be me to mind those two kids.
Hehehe...its strange how roles always keep shifting. I wonder how it is so easy to read each other, done sooooo unconsciously, when we're happy...and suddenly, the signals are so hard to pick up when things go wrong. I suppose its the uncertainty of murky adulthood. However, I dont really know if I TRULY miss my black and white childhood...or for that matter, if it was really all that clear-cut. I've had heavy shades of grey from my earliest memories. I wonder tho...did the stains seep in from my grown-up reflections?