bad girl

brows rise, sly eyes dog
jaunting away she revels
thrill of a broken rule

My God!

We humans, in our utter cluelessness of why the universe exists, and full of our zeal to find answers, are forced to turn either to science or God. I am not going to concern myself with those who believe in science as the be all and end all of universe. They have a luxury in the belief that, eventually, the answers are coming. I am also not going to concern myself with all those whose versions of God came down from their religions, communities, ancestors or what have you. They have a ready-made manual for life. If anything, I suppose, I should envy them.

I belong in the middle category, with those who cannot make up their mind. The politically correct name for our kind is “agnostic” and I would prefer not to go into any other labels, thank you very much. The one advantage of starting out in this category is that you can customize your God. Your God can be male, female, white, black, yellow, brown, short with long hair, tall with a white beard, floating on clouds or hanging around in cemeteries…Oh! the choices are unlimited. It is infinitely better than creating your avatar on Second Life. And the best part? You can keep upgrading your God at your will.

I’ve tried several ideas, borrowed from various sources and remodeled and upgraded my God over the years. I found my current God in a free e-book called God’s Debris by Scott Adams. Like the God of many others, this One is also omniscient. What I like about Him, however, is that He seems like an extension of a human, almost like a God-next-door. His omniscience proves to be his fatal(?) flaw. Since he already knows everything, he suffers from boredom, much like many of our frustrated-intellectual-turned-terrorists, and blows himself/the universe up. This is what we know as the Big Bang. However, being God, there seems to be no point in annihilating Himself. As the title “God’s Debris” suggests, God now exists in and as all his fragments which make up the universe. This again, is not a new concept. What is unique about it, though, is that it exonerates fat people. They, obviously, have more God in them.

Another fascinating theory presented in the book that compelled me to personalize its God was its reason behind the Internet. According to God’s Debris, God is trying to reconnect all his blown up parts “through the formation of a collective intelligence,” meaning, us humans. I’d like to think of us as God’s brain. I mean, it’s almost as if we had to come up with the Internet, which works very much like the neural connections in our brains.

This idea also appeals to the agnostic in me because it lets me continue as one. This is an amazing combination of both spirituality and science that perfectly explains the direction life on earth seems to be taking, what with the Blackberrys, Smartphones and iPads. All these are made possible only by the invention of the Internet and they make it quite easy to believe that one day, advanced versions of these could connect the entire universe.

In short, My God fits in nicely with science as well as spirituality. He manages to retain His position of being larger than life and beyond even science. He is the biggest thing we know – the Universe.

Oh yea...all youse asking 'Why?'...Well, hez just a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig, booooooored lonely guy :P

Time

Another journey ends...
No space for a heartbreak
Nothingness conquers my memories
A place of first loves and best friends
Turned into dry dust
By the hard hand of time
And ruthlessly it drags
My numbness through the tedium

Lament of the Lost Identity

Today, I am lost and I mourn
For a part of me is shorn.
Fevered and Hacked, my virtual soul,
Fell victim to a random asshole,
Who, for a few (nay...980!!!) dollars,
(Yeah right! What a scholar!!)
Obliterated my apps, pix, tags, comments, my facebook HISTORY!!
All I am is a virtual shadow, illusory,
With nothing left but a hollow shell
Of a Linkedin page, reducing me to 'Personnel',
With no persona, save for a few stale Tweets.
Save YOURSELF, ye un-hacked identities!
Beware of PDM KeyLogger, the deadly disease
That will, from you, your secrets tease.

Those ugly beings...

I cant breathe clean...nasty nasty...my hungry lungs...i suffocate..i'm claustrophobic...i pant and suck in air greedily...don’t close the door…I want in…its my room…I need space…get the fuck out…just leave me alone…just LEAVE ME ALONE…go away go away go the HELLL away…I want to scream…go away go away…love hate beauty ugly fat cold…oh soooooooooo cooldd coooooooooold….frozen…dirty…crawling all over my skin…grease…I hate you I hate you…how dare you…why do you get to say all those things…and why don’t i…I hate you…you talk you think its okay to say whatever u want wherever you want…and must listen and pretend I don’t hear…I see you everywhere you bastard I hate you I hate you…you are ugly ugly ugly…rotten black goo…powerless weasel snivelling…and I must see you everywhere…man man man…everywhere man…the arrogance…you stink of it…don’t go alone don’t go alone…its not safe…I wanna scream and cry and thrash and hurt and skin and tear and claw…

Image Source

I’m me I’m me I’m ME…leave me be…I want space…I need air…I need space to run and be and breathe and think and laugh and dance and gaze and love…midnight…biking…freedom…wind..cold cold air…waking up the rage…the anger...the thrill...the mad in me…do you want to be raped…oh mi god she is a slut…look at her clothes…rolling eyes...whispers...sleaze...dizziness...cold cooooooooooooldd…hands...warmth...dirtiness...eyes…oh those eyes that are everywhere...watching watching...always watching…smirking…SEEING...wondering…those eyes that I claw out..,claw and poke…and slap and kick and make you SHUT THE HELL UP…forever…just shut up shut up shut up shut up…I don’t wanna hear anymore…my life my life…its MY LIFE…I don’t need anything anyone…stupid…playing games…why why why why why...my completeness accept…my power my beauty my wholeness…always stepping crushing belittling stamping laughing touching groping feeling breaking spoiling stopping waiting scheming playing…dirty dirty dirty…power…I hate you…disappear…soft and sweet and fragrant mystery…shatter…probing, prodding…plane…angles…squares and circles...away away away…don’t meet…don’t meet...judging always judging…façade…cool cool closed scheming façade…that mask covering your ugly thoughts...cut it off...piece by piece…I hate you

Wildfire in AP

Disclaimer: This is purely MY very very objective exploration of MY conjectures. It is NOT my intent to proliferate any rumours that might aggravate any situation.

Just as the Telangana issue seems to be cooling down in the state, a new issue has suddenly cropped up. TV 5/TV 9 and other 'local' news channels have started reporting news from a suspect source (A Russian magazine 'The Exile(d)) that the Ambani brothers are behind YSR's death, which was in actuality, not an accident but a pre-meditated murder. Rumours are flying about that the pilot of the helicopter was bribed or his family was bribed or something...

Incidentally, believe it or not, I was discussing a theory with a few people before this news came out...and I'm quite convinced that YSR's death wasnt an accident. Only, one of the ppl I was discussing this with said..."You actually believe that somebody bribed the pilot and convinced him to COMMIT SUICIDE?"...I was, of course, speechless and mortified. But it COULD happen, right? Maybe I've been watching too many conspiracy movies...but YSR's sudden death DID seem very OUT OF THE BLUE...yea, u skeptics might ask say..."It was an accident, for heaven's sake!"...and I have no answer to that...except...call it a hunch or a woman's intuition or what have u....but do you remember the coverage? It was quite vague...and a minor glitch turned overnight into a tragedy for the state. YSR was supposedly just stranded somewhere...and the next minute, we find out that hez dead!

Then, the making of a martyr begins...blah blah...tussle for CMship between Rosayya and Jagan...and once thatz settled...our noseman, KCR starts fasting...and voila! Fuck up at the centre and the state starts burning. I donno how many of you noticed this, but everything happened quite suddenly in a span of 3 months...one after the other. I havent looked it up, but I heard from loadsa other ppl that KCR did try the fasting trick earlier and no one really bothered...WHY NOW? And a looooooooot of resigning and party-badlofying by all those ministers...jokes about Naidu and KCR NOT expecting an okay from the centre...criticism against Sonia and Chidambaram for being too hasty...and after all this hullabulloo....and now, strong signs of a 'NO' to Telangana from the centre!

And just as that was about to START cooling down, MAYBE....THIS! More property damage and a call for a bandh 2moro. Demands to know about the black box in the chopper...or the voice recording...apparently YSR and pilot in a verbal tussle before death...more rumours and hype. The supposed 'public' (read paid goons) resort to violence and an already volatile situation flares up even more. I'm sure 2moro's news will be full of refutations from the Ambanis...and then, some fart will call for a probe in the state...coz obviously somebody from the state was involved. All the big shots will be implied...I can only think of KCR, Naidu and OBVIOUSLY Jagan himself (my gawd, the sympathy right now could easily win him the CMship). Then, the real mystery will never unfold but fact upon fabricated fact will sensationalize the news even more...and eventually it'll die down...there might be a split and there might be a new CM...or not...but one things for SURE! It'll take the state AGES to recover. Before 2day's new addition, the state has already incurred a loss of 3000+ crores...or so I heard. Hyd is the worst hit, with MNCs and potential foreign investors taking their business elsewhere.

And ultimately, even if the Ambanis are really implicated in the issue...they are definitely going scot free...and once things have calmed down, they'll cover up the losses incurred in the state. The ones who are going to suffer, again, are the common people. Mostly, the lower-end workers in reliance establishments and to a slightly lesser extent, other reliance employees.

Ironically, it is the students who suffer the most in all this. Hotblooded, yes...but that doesnt have to make us stupid. These are all games played by bigshots to mint money...and we, who depend on jobs for our daily bread can hardly afford police records. Wake up, dammit...and please stop ruining public property!!!

Feedback time!

Okay...its officially been 2 weeks since I blogged last. And if I'm to keep up my 200 blogs for next year, I shud've posted 6 more so far...and I know I'm behind schedule. But actually, I have been working on some. Only I thought I should get my blog layout right first.

A couple of you told me that my blog is not very reader-friendly...coz of the black background and the font and all that. However, I think the template itself is soooooo me...I couldnt change it. So, I played with a coupla fonts and sizes and bugged a friend to help me with the CSS and...VOILA!...herez the "new and improved" I at my lone roof! However, I'm still not sure if this is any more readable. I read somewhere that a yellowish font color is easier to read over a black background. You be the judge of that. Also, I wud prefer to go with a sans-serif font...something taht is neither too serious nor too close to 'Comic Sans MS', coz my posts could swing either way and be anywhere in between. So all my design and techie friends...plz gimme advice!! For once, I am willing to not be condescending and listen! :D

Rocket Singh ROXXXXXXXXX!

When was the last time you came out of a multiplex feeling AWESOME, with a silly grin or atleast a wide smile on your face, feeling completely satisfied with the 200 bucks you shelled out?

It happened to me today...and its a really nice feeling that I've had rarely and it keeps getting rarer and rarer (With the exceptions of Wake Up Sid, Ice Age 3, Taare Zameen Par and BOMMARILLU before that!) I miss it. Everytime I come out, I feel pretty disgusted at the 100/200 that has gone down the drain and I really resent the multiplex culture that seems to propagate mediocrity. I mean, the multiplexes are supposedly here to give space to 'new' cinema, but I've mostly seen practically empty theatres playing crappy to so-so movies whose entertainment value ranges from severe headaches to half-hearted laughs. They hardly make you think, they are nowhere close to the movie-goer's reality and WORST OF ALL, they insult the audience's intelligence.

So when a movie comes out that is good, it becomes one's duty to praise it to high heavens!! I already have serious regrets that I did not do that for WAKE UP SID on my blog (It was like a second Bommarillu for me...those of you who know what that means!)

So this movie...I kinda liked the way it started...the quaint old-homey-images-from-childhood-simple-homes kinda pictures they showed while the titles appeared, the regular oooooooh-thatz-what-my-home-looks-like-too setting and the everyday guy who has a tiff with his rich-fart friend.....things that we all can relate to. I am not going to give away the plot or even a bit of the story. I'd really like you all to watch it, coz it really is worth it. I'm not giving a rating of 10/10 like for WAKE UP SID of course...coz therez not many drool-worthy guys who make you come out grinning like a maniac from the theatre, but there definitely is something. Its different, its honest and its got a solid, realistic message...AND, its a must- watch for the young corporate employee. It covers everything...even how women are sometimes treated in the still-mostly-male-dominated corporate world, esply at office parties. The best part is that its all done quite sublty, simply and yet the message comes thru strong and clear!

Now that thatz all said, I will admit that I'm beginning to have a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE crush on Ranbir after this. 2 good movies in a span of 3 months...I'm definitely impressed :D And now, I must ROCKET off to sleep and dream about Sid(du)!

The noseman broke my home!

Today is a very sad day...for me and prolly for 5 crore others from AP. The other 5 must be jubiliant with joy. Facebook was filled with heated messages and even more provocative comments that could never end...that could never hope to lead to any meaningful conclusion. Twitter was a-twitter with excited emotions...anger, sadness, nostalgia, sarcasm, malice..
Even in Maharashtra, office canteens were abuzz with discussions and almost everywhere one heard "Telangana, KCR, Chandrababu Naidu" as they passed groups of students and techies on furiously venting out their emotions on street corners.

In all this chaos, my sentamentality has to make place for itself.

I have been hearing about the Telangana issue vaguely for about 5 to 6 yrs...but never really being one to care much about anything outside of my immediate circle, i hardly paid any attention. The extent of the matter was my loyalty to my 'hometown', Vizag being pitched against the superiority of a metropolitan Hyderabad in friendly banter with friends. I'm sure that if the state had split at that time, I wouldn't have minded as much. But then...it happened...I moved to Hyderabad...went to this amazing place to get an education (which will now be foreign, somehow) and the issue of Telangana hit closer home. I couldnt understand the language very well...which, in name is the same as my mother tongue. I had pretty much the same language problems as most of my northern friends...and worse, I was expected to help THEM out! As for the city itself, I resisted...I balked at the people...I might have scoffed at their customs...and even at the weather and terrain. But it grew on me, seduced me and completely won me over. I began to LOVE the language and its colour and its texture...preferred that over the 'properness' of my mother tongue. The people too became less strange and sometimes very dear...occasionally frustrating, of course! But I had loads of help falling in love with the city and with its unique blend of cultures...from my University and from my friends, who made it a home for me.

And now, of course, I've been pining for that home while the first got lost in time and memories. And to learn of this beloved city being pulled asunder in a tug-of-power war by NOSEY meddlesome individuals, it just breaks my heart.

To give the issue its due consideration, the agitation has been going on ever since Andhra itself was formed. The relatively ill-irrigated and resourceless area was neglected. The issue of caste also seems to creep in...somehow the region becomes a symbol of the downtrodden. Only, Telangana is also known for its Reddys. Even if/once the region becomes independent, the powerful Reddys of Telangana are not going to change and needless to say, not going to disappear. As for the proper allocation of resources, the moment-to-moment party-shifting antics of the Telangana hero from a few months ago dont inspire much confidence. Worse, the original fear of the 'Andhrites' regarding the Krishna and Godavari waters being held up might come true. And yes, that is exactly what we need right now...a role-reversal. That is going to help calm down the raging fires byutifully. And naturally, none of the benefits of the new statehood will trickle down to the self-immolating farmers anytimes soon, if at all. The only probable change would be even higher taxes until the resourceless state finds ways to generate revenue. I'm pretty sure the average farmer doesnt care if his postal address reads 'ANDHRA' or 'TELANGANA' coz he cant read anyway...he just wishes his son could read the alphabet.

As for the avg. andhrite...(i donno if i fall into the category), but I care! I care coz I dont want what happened with India and Pakistan to repeat and a bloody fued of hate to sear the borders. And even more important, since I must identify myself with 'Andhra', I hope that if/when Telangana crystallizes, the actual purpose of it is fulfilled and the benefits do trickle down to those who matter. If it MUST happen, let it be not to create yet another seat of power for morons to misuse, but for the layman's life to be less of a burden to him. I know this is an overly optimistic hope, but if all this pain of half a million people goes in vain, there would be no bigger tragedy. And my city...I will have to make an extra effort to not let it become too alien even as it changes, holding on to the memories that have made it my own....oh yea, and having hyderabadi biryani as much as possible...(even more so now!)

My LIST!

Its almost been a year since I started this blog...and I've hardly written a handful...and I donno about you guys, but I thoroughly enjoyed writing and even re-reading my stuff :D (even the ones I was asked to remove :P:P:P)

I guess I'm just writing again today after such a long break coz I'm yet again trying to start something...and i absolutely have to write everyday...I JUST HAVE TO!! except maybe weekends..u know...it'll be like work...only funner!

For today, since I'm wayyyyyy behind my schedule as usual...I'm just gonna put down a few things I wud really really like to cross off my list next year :D Please feel free to add/share ur list.

But before we get to that, have u ever thot of how much fun it is cross somethign off ur list? I actually LOVE making tons of lists and the fun part is crossing things off them...esply with a bright red marker...i have loadsa lists...mostly things to do, but also, books to read, movies to watch, things to find out, things to look up...apparently I remind my friends of the guy from Dasvidania...which I am yet to watch..and its on my list..hehe..well..newayz, herez my list: