I dont like Hurdle the verb

Before you think I'm a crazy dork who rants about inane words and their meanings, let me say in my defense that I AM a crazy dork who rants about inane words and their meanings.

Dictionary.com is my favorite website and I check it every single day. Another is www.urbandictionary.com because I am obsessed with how the Americans have transmogrified English and confused about why I love their version(s) so much and mostly, I just dont get it half the time. To understand American English, its not enuff to know that colour is color or the lift is the elevator. You're supposed to understand the goddamn cultural meaning of Jeff Goldblum and what Jon Stewart stands for and what Martha Stewart and Oprah really mean, and get obscure references to Star Wars and such. They say things like:

"He’s the Chuck Norris of exercise dancing."

And then, you're supposed to go look up who the fuck this Chuck Norris is. Then, you learn that all the Rajnikant jokes are actually Chuck Norris jokes, and then, you get super pissed off.

I even watched Star Wars just so I could understand what all the goddam references meant and what Fanboys (the movie) was about and what is with all the Princess Leia and the gold bikini references?? Now, I get it....a bit? So yea, I end up looking up words a LOOOOOOOOOOOOT as well.

Then, I learn all these obscure things which tickle me to bits. For example, did you know that "grandfather" is a verb? That pretty much made my day. Recently, I looked up "hurdle" and...guess what...its also a VERB! and I dont like it. I mean, I dont like its "verb" meaning, coz its the exact opposite of its noun meaning and even WORSE, one of the verb meanings is the opposite of the other verb meanings!!!!!! I mean, isn't English confusing enough? Do we really need to assign confusing meanings to the same word to overcomplicate an already befuddling language?

So, I propose a new meaning to Hurdle the verb: May people never confuse you with "overcoming" problems. May you always BE a problem or an obstacle and always MEAN "to have problems, obstacles."

Yes, I'm taking away the little happiness the word has, but its for the greater good. I have no qualms in pulling a Snape. (Dont make me explain this!)

Caffeine is for the half-dead!

I've been gulping caffeine-jacked slop all day.

Recipe:

Ingredients:

• 1 chipped piss-coloured mug with leftover stains of coffee smudges
• one shitload of wimpy brown gook that passes for coffee powder
• half a tablespoon already stuck with huuuuuuge granules of sugar so only about 2-3 fall into ur piss-coloured mug
• and a pinch of stale milk powder that reminds you of babies' spit up

The really complicated procedure that even Chuck Norris cant get right:

Throw everything together in the mug and stir like crazzzzzzzzzyyyyyy until the spoon twists...this ensures a thick lumpy brown sludge that ensures you are awake forever.

Caution: This can also be used instead of cyanide for those attempting a quick and painless suicide.

I, obviously, have been using this only to pry my eyes open and keep 'em that way until the clock strikes my favorite hour. But, apparently, I'm the un-dead coz this EXACT, PRECISE recipe followed painstakingly to the most meticulous detail did absolutely NOTHING for me. Yet, I dont know where my immortality ring is, I have no slurpy-elixir-making shiny red stone, no 7 bits of creepy soul things hidden away in my favorite torture chambers (Wait, where are my torture chambers?? Oh, all in my head! check, check, check and check...oooh, these three arent empty...hmmm!), I dont have creepy leathery skin (yet!) and frog eyes and rotting fingernails (zombies, right?)....so ummmm...why is this thing NOT working on me?

I just hope the coffee gods have not cursed me for preferring the Indian version with looooooooots of milk, sackfuls of sugar and a drop of coffee decoction...oooh...and delicious froth that only South-Indians can appreciate. Or perhaps, the wizards at CCD have performed some strange coffee-devil voodoo on me coz I bitched about having to make my own coffee and pay for it and it wud never be sweet enuff, dammit! Apparently, I need to graduate to stronger drugs :D