Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Caffeine is for the half-dead!

I've been gulping caffeine-jacked slop all day.


  • 1 chipped piss-coloured mug with leftover stains of coffee smudges
  • one shitload of wimpy brown gook that passes for coffee powder
  • half a tablespoon already stuck with huuuuuuge granules of sugar so only about 2-3 fall into ur piss-coloured mug
  • and a pinch of stale milk powder that reminds you of babies' spit up
The really complicated procedure that even Chuck Norris cant get right:

Throw everything together in the mug and stir like crazzzzzzzzzyyyyyy until the spoon twists...this ensures a thick lumpy brown sludge that ensures you are awake forever.

This can also be used instead of cyanide for those attempting a quick and painless suicide.

I, obviously, have been using this only to pry my eyes open and keep 'em that way until the clock strikes my favorite hour. But, apparently, I'm the un-dead coz this EXACT, PRECISE recipe followed painstakingly to the most meticulous detail did absolutely NOTHING for me. Yet, I dont know where my immortality ring is, I have no slurpy-elixir-making shiny red stone, no 7 bits of creepy soul things hidden away in my favorite torture chambers (Wait, where are my torture chambers?? Oh, all in my head! check, check, check and check...oooh, these three arent empty...hmmm!), I dont have creepy leathery skin (yet!) and frog eyes and rotting fingernails (zombies, right?)....so ummmm...why is this thing NOT working on me?

I just hope the coffee gods have not cursed me for preferring the Indian version with looooooooots of milk, sackfuls of sugar and a drop of coffee decoction...oooh...and delicious froth that only South-Indians can appreciate. Or perhaps, the wizards at CCD have performed some strange coffee-devil voodoo on me coz I bitched about having to make my own coffee and pay for it and it wud never be sweet enuff, dammit! Apparently, I need to graduate to stronger drugs :D


  1. You write well. :-)
    Aneesh Bhat.
    (Hope the name rings a bell)

  2. LOL. Funny post. I survive majorly on Coffee too during drowsy office hours. And while coffee machine ka product isn't half as good as the sweet, frothy ones you get at roadside stalls or the ones made at home, it does keep me awake :D

  3. Youre crazy ma friend...
    Love what you wrote <3


  4. Thanks ya'll...this is my first experience with milk-powder coffee on a regular basis and needless to say, I HATE it...and it really is NOT keeping me awake! NO matter how strong and bitter I make it. SERIOUS help needed!

  5. caffeine addicts!! wohooo................but i think i am addicted to tea as well!!......maybe hot beverages in general!! the fact that it is so easy to access them when were we want is the fuel to our adddiction, i think??!

  6. i have drunk so many thousands of coffee till date that now i am immune.. i need to find a diff kinda drug to keep myself awake.. lol


  7. @Aks...do lemme know if u've worked out something. I'm about ready to switch ;)