- 1 chipped piss-coloured mug with leftover stains of coffee smudges
- one shitload of wimpy brown gook that passes for coffee powder
- half a tablespoon already stuck with huuuuuuge granules of sugar so only about 2-3 fall into ur piss-coloured mug
- and a pinch of stale milk powder that reminds you of babies' spit up
Throw everything together in the mug and stir like crazzzzzzzzzyyyyyy until the spoon twists...this ensures a thick lumpy brown sludge that ensures you are awake forever.
Caution: This can also be used instead of cyanide for those attempting a quick and painless suicide.
I, obviously, have been using this only to pry my eyes open and keep 'em that way until the clock strikes my favorite hour. But, apparently, I'm the un-dead coz this EXACT, PRECISE recipe followed painstakingly to the most meticulous detail did absolutely NOTHING for me. Yet, I dont know where my immortality ring is, I have no slurpy-elixir-making shiny red stone, no 7 bits of creepy soul things hidden away in my favorite torture chambers (Wait, where are my torture chambers?? Oh, all in my head! check, check, check and check...oooh, these three arent empty...hmmm!), I dont have creepy leathery skin (yet!) and frog eyes and rotting fingernails (zombies, right?)....so ummmm...why is this thing NOT working on me?
I just hope the coffee gods have not cursed me for preferring the Indian version with looooooooots of milk, sackfuls of sugar and a drop of coffee decoction...oooh...and delicious froth that only South-Indians can appreciate. Or perhaps, the wizards at CCD have performed some strange coffee-devil voodoo on me coz I bitched about having to make my own coffee and pay for it and it wud never be sweet enuff, dammit! Apparently, I need to graduate to stronger drugs :D